Stress – Understanding others

Everyone suffers from stress – and there is good stress and bad stress. Any situation creates stress and the trick is to control and handle situations such that there is minimum negative stress.

In any relationship, without communication the stress level is very high. First of all in our society,We are influenced by the rules set down. It is a very deep embedded set of rules which somehow seem obsolete in today’s world! How to talk to elders, relatives, teachers, siblings etc., are all influenced by the society rules. In spite of following the protocol, there is a great degree of stress created because of not understanding what the opposite person is saying or means. Without communication the wheels of the pre-conceived notions start whirring in the mind. “why did she say that”, “maybe she doesn’t mean it- why the tone?”, “she is always negative”. Thus the stress in your mind will influence your reaction.

If we stop to think for a split second, relationships could improve. Every ones reactions start from what they are feeling in the moment. If you have a bad headache, a simple “ how are you?”, can make you react negatively and the stress level rises!!

Understanding is a level of maturity in your personality. Some just have it as an innate quality. Yet, one can hone this skill by calming oneself down and allowing split second moments before reacting. Ask yourself pertinent questions before reacting. Eg. Your employee asks for a day off,  when you have crucial deadlines to meet. The fact that she is asking at such a time should make you think. Her personal time is top priority for herself. Communicate to find out the reason for time off or just respect the fact that her time is top priority for herself and not fair that her priority should match yours.

This is a weave. We all must deal with priorities every waking moment and respect ones own and others priorities. If you have a nephews birthday party to attend and it is a crucial time at work- you have to decide the priority.

When you are in control of your emotions you are better able to understand others. Jobs can be very stressful. Bosses pressure for performance and you get the feeling, “they don’t Relationship vs your promised responsibility to the organization. care”. But don’t lose focus. At work, priority should be the goal of the organization. You are hired  and paid to help in achieving that goal. So, at work you will always have to ask yourself how does my decision affect the journey to move towards that organizational goal. Personal issues must be controlled and not affect relationships at work.

Like mentioned earlier the balance comes with maturity. Our personalities are formed from birth Influenced by our relationships with our care givers and then our teachers and peers and our experiences. Bad experiences leave a negative impact and that is where the stress starts. A conscious effort has to be made to reduce or eliminate the stress. If it festers in you it affects your reactions to your family, peers, friends and colleagues. Remembering that the other person also has such a baggage of experiences, is the beginning of understanding. So, communicate. A simple reply, “ sorry I must think about it” or “lets talk about it later, right now I am getting emotional”, will portray you as an understanding person. Don’t try to analyze retorts and replies and increase your stress. When the mind cannot think clearly, your decisions and replies are contorted. Understanding others can be very stressful if you don’t try to understand yourself first.

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